Birthday....

Birthday... The day which marked the beginning of my life on this earth, and the day which comes with a BIG question every year thrown at me. The question that always frightens me.

Every year I mark the D day as the exam day; the exam which examines my life in the passed year.And somehow i fall below the expectations of mine in the exam and this is what frightens me and makes me feel dizzy about my birthday.

Birthday is another normal day for me, except that I take head bath :-) and call my mom without fail. For some years, there used to be some midnight calls from my close(?) friends, which stopped after one time.I never believed in midnight calls and wished them only during the day so they never repeated their calls :-)

However there are few friends of mine who are genuine enough and call me on the same day or after 2-3 days. Believe me; I feel good on receiving their calls.

This year, since it was my first birthday after the marriage;I had few expectations from my husband but thought that they would never materialize as he was very sick during my birthday.I had least expectations as he was very ill and was very week. But to my surprise he wakes me at 3.00 A.M,(he being still dizzy due to the tablets); asks me to cut the cake and then gifts me bunch of roses,chocolate and a gentle..... :-)

It was such a nice pleasant surprise and I loved it. And this years day was spent in the office from 9.00 Am to 9.00 PM. A "WORKING BIRTHDAY". And I enjoyed it the most, with good work and greater responsibilities.

Hoping to have one birthday which would make me satisfied of what I have achieved..

Use and Throw...

How do you feel when all of a sudden, the work you were doing is done by others without you being informed. Its really a strange feeling making you feel frustrated as well as irritated. Both the adjectives are needed to show the amount of anger you feel in this scenario.

Its human nature, whether you like or dislike doing that job, if it is given to someone else without you knowing about it, they tend to feel down or anxious.

This is fine as long as there is proper communication done before allotting the work, whatever may be the reason(you being less efficient or ur over paid) but when it is done in 100% opacity, it is unethical.

This is the truth in software industry.. you are indispensable today and tomorrow you are disposable.. After all we are "Use and Throw" and not "Renewable" resources.

Spoiling your day...

Sometimes our behaviour is so silly... I was ashamed of myself today for the way i behaved yesterday with him.I did not realise that I was wrong until I read AB's blog where he has posted one of the mail forwards.

Yesterday I was doing my home work with the laptop for the next days office work and he was studying some of the tools in the other room.After an hour or so, he came up and said, lets go out and have masala puri. I reluctantly said yes as i was in no mood to go out since I was engrossed in studying. we went out, strolled around and came back. I started preparing chapatis after coming back.

At the same time, there was a daemon process was happening in my mind at the back end. Lots of thoughts were going on, since few weeks I was not able to be spending some time on my reading and that had really upset me yesterday. I was missing that time where I was with myself and reading lazily on bed.And somehow I thought that reason was him. and so i did not speak to him. He kept pestering me what was the reason. I just changed the topic and opened my laptop and started reading.

Now i feel bad for myself for accusing him although the real reason was me. I could not spend time on reading because I was too lazy and spent most of the time watching TV. But still I spoiled my day with useless thoughts and spoiling the mood of his and mine.

We had spent the whole day outside shopping and had nice time but i spoiled it in the night by my useless moody behaviour.

Sigh.. I will try to avoid and be less moody in future... :'-(

Dauda Dauda Bhaaga Bhaaga sa...

Run.Run.Run.. huh this is the theme of my post today. Yeah "Man runs behind the illusion".But philosophy is not the topic today. I have been running behind almost everything these days literally.

Life has gained the momentum all of a sudden and I am still not able to cope up with it.There is sudden outburst of work in the office,there are tensions in the current project and there is some new work assigned as well, which needs some reading.

Back to the home, he is very busy and is facing some tensions at office and is not keeping well. So have to take care of the house.I am a married woman, so no excuses.

My day starts off with getting up in the morning, preparing breakfast followed by packing his tiffin box.By the time all this is done, the maid comes and have to arrange things for her.Time just runs away, meantime have breakfast in hush hush and then run for the cab, else have to catch an auto.

Yeah i do catch up some sleep in the cab for an hour or so. :-) and then reach office, start off with the work.Its 6.45, have to run for the connecting cab again to reach other office and catch the cab to our stop. Reach home, prepare dinner, have it and then open the laptop, read for the next day. Its 12.00 by that time, go to bed and sleeppppppppppp.....

Huh its already morning again.... :-) But inspite of all these I am enjoying the pace of life.:-)

Douds Douda bhaaga bhaaga sa...

First Disastrous attempt

Sigh... never thought; that my first attempt of doing something new without asking any guidance from an experienced person would turn out to be a disaster..

All these days it was with the guidance of my mom,sis,inlaw, that i used to try out recipes.. Hm mm.. yesterday I decided to go ahead with a recipe from a print out sent by my friend. Never thought that it will be such a disaster :-(

Prepared chapatis and then thought of trying out something new, so started preparing tomato chutney (yeah it is new to me ). Followed the instructions carefully and accurately but I think I missed out something. Somehow when i was half way through i had a feeling that the result will be bad, but still had hopes till the end. At the end.. tasted it and huh.. its not even edible yaar..

Thought of adjusting but still the taste was so bad and weird.. the final destination of that chutney was dustbin and not our stomachs... :-(

Hmm raghus expression on tasting the chutney was also the same as it is in the image uploaded here.. :-(

Thought of doing RCA(root cause analysis) as to why my attempt failed(influence of my QA Husband) but was very disappointed after tasting it.So left it then and there itself..

Sigh.. my first disastrous attempt.. But I am an optimist and I will have some more attempts but with some guidance though..

Image courtesy:www.cartoonstock.com. Felt the cartoon is very apt for the situation so using it.

Right Out of Womans Heart

Adding on to the previous post of mine:

Got this forward,no idea whom to give credit still its worth reading ....

The woman in your life.... very well expressed….
Tomorrow you may marry a working woman. Is there one who doesn't want a working one? But you should marry with these facts as well.
Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;
One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements.

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name.

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen.

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;
Working woman.........super woman?

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise.

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her.

One, who just wants one thing from you (as you are the only one she knows in your entire house) your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding or love if you may call it that.

But not many guys understand this...

One of the best told stories in the mail, every letter in this is felt and expressed directly from heart....
Right out of a women's heart!!!!

Working Women and their 'Husbands'

It was a pleasant surprise to meet one of my college senior, while I was busy shopping. After usual hi, hello; I informed her about my marriage and invited her.
And then came the topic in our conversation which is also the reason of the existence of this post.
As we chatted,came some advices from her, she being a experienced married working woman.I quietly accepted it as they were the facts.

Let me divide the post of mine into 3 varied experiences of 3 married women, to bring in the clarity.Of course there will be a conclusion from me and rest is left for you guys to comment.

Experience 1(My Senior): As we chatted, I came to know that, she has left the job and is now at home. She is now,pursuing music with more vigour. Good she is trying to do something she loved from deep of her heart.Then she said "Ranjitha:Now is the real test for you, which tests your patience of balancing personal life and career.As you move on you will understand that personal life is more important than career and you will have to make real tough decisions to have a happier life (?)"
I just retorted, my fiance seems to be supportive. Then she quickly replied "They are good at initial days but as days progress you will get more comments from them, about the cleanliness of home, cooking and the list never ends........" The chat was interrupted when her husband called her and we parted our ways.

Experience 2(My Hostel mate): During dinner, was discussing about this with one of my hostel mate, when she narrated me a story of her friend, who is a doctor by profession and even her husband is a doctor. they live in a joint family with her in laws. Her in law does not want to cook or do any household chores, as she wants her daughter in law to do it. She feels that her in law never did anything so why should she help her daughter in law. The poor girl after balancing household and the doctor profession, once shared with her husband that "It is becoming difficult for her". pop came the answer from the great husband "dear, I never told you to work outside, if it is difficult why do not you leave the job!!"

Experience 3(My friend): After listening to the above stories,one person who flashed in my mind was one of my colleague and a good friend.When I listen to her marriage experiences, my admiration for her husband two-folds. Its like he helps her in every household chore of hers.He cooks breakfast if she cooks the dinner,or viceversa. He gets up early and arranges for the maid, if she is sleeping in the morning,he helps her in washing, he helps her in arranging household, he goes with her for shopping.Wow..Its so wonderful to get such understanding husband.

Hmmm.. why is that for girls,the best place is home and not the outside world. Its always the girls who sacrifice for the family. Its the girls who should stop dreaming about a successful career, even if she wants to achieve, she will have to don the role of 'Super-Woman'.Why do guys forget that gals are equally helping the family financially and even they would have had dreams of growing in a career when they were young. I don't say that all guys are like that, but the maximum percentage of them fall into the category of wanting their wives to be at home. :-( . Some are lucky to have a understanding guy others are not.

Girls never want their husband to help in every chore, but a word of understanding will help them sail through the hardships.

We still can do it but we need just your understanding and a word of care. Just a caring hand would do.

GenDa Phool..

The song 'GenDa Phool' from the movie Delhi-6 has some charm in it. Ever since I have heard it, i have been humming it atleast once a day. But never did I have the anxiety to know the meaning of the lyrics, until today when my friend asked me what does 'Genda phool' mean?.

Ah.. thanks to my hindi knowledge, which prompted me to tell the meaning as CauliFlower. God knows where I got this idea from..:-) lol
But somewhere I knew that I was wrong, came back and went to our own knowledge base 'Google' for the answer. Wow..there are 4960 results for Genda Phool.. Hmm .. amazing..

Came across a link which gave me the meaning of the whole song, here is the brief from the link:
http://www.mail-archive.com/arrahmanfans@yahoogroups.com/msg56666.html

Hoye hoye hoye, Hoye hoye hoye

Saiyaan ched dewe,

>>my husband keeps on teasing me

Nanad chutki leve,

>>the younger sister of my husband keeps on taunting me

Sasural genda phool,

>>sasural = in law's house, genda: name of a flower, marigold

Saas gaari deve

>>the mother of my husband keeps on abusing me

Dewar samjha deve

>>the younger brother of my husband keeps on explaining to me

Sasural genda phool

Choda babul ka angana

>>I had left the house of my father

Bhaave deraa piya ka, ho

>>I am liking the house of my husband

Saiyaan hain vypaari

>>my husband is a businessman

Chale hain pardes

> >he is going to foreign place

Sooratiyaan niharun

> >I am looking at his face

jiyara bhaari hove,

>>my heart is becoming heavy

Bushirt pahine

>>having attired in a shirt

khaai ke bida paan

>>having chewn a betel

Poore Raipur se alag hai, Saiyaan ji ki shaan

>>the glory of my husband is apart from that of anyone else in entire Raipur city

The essence lies surely in 'genda phool' .... gendha aka marigold is a special type of a flower. Its an Inflorescence. Inflorescence, as in every leaf of 'gendha phool' is a complete flower in itself. While every leaf/petal of the 'gendha' is a flower in itself, a gendha is complete, beautiful and can live only when all petals are together. sasural gendha phool - the sasural has so many characters : saas, devar, nanad, et cetera, ... some not so nice to the bahu (saas gaari/gaali dewe) ... some nice to her (dewarji samjha lewein), yet the newly wed bahu knows that her sasural is beautiful (and will be a happy place) because of each and every character.


courtesy: Mayank,http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090221081327AANoGAB

Surprise..

Life becomes more beautiful when you get something which you never expected.

These small joys actually makes up for your long day of disappointments.

Raghu called me up and informed me that he will come to my hostel at around 9.00 P.M and insisted on going for a long walk near our hostel. I was actually not in a mood to meet him, which was due to the time consuming activity in the office. I was tired so wanted to have a good sleep. But still bowed down for his insistence.

As we started walking, he took out a chocolate and gave it to me. I was surprised. As I finished that choc(ofcourse i shared it with him); he gave me another one which was followed by another eclair.

It was a pleasant surprise for me.His gestures made me happy.I felt special on that lonely road. The road was not lonely but still I felt it lonely as I was feeling special. :-) huh.. feelings outburst..

Pleasant surprises are good medicine for leading a pleasant life.

Questions unanswered

Some questions bug me a lot and one among them is "Should we really pray God for our well being?"

Does the Almighty; being called as the Father of the universe, wants his children to pray and plead him? Does he want his kids to praise and impress him? My personal feeling is;No person wants his/her children to plead them.

Yeah, when we are asking for something from someone, I agree that we are at the receiving end so we should take the first initiative of asking.But this question never arises when it is between somebody who share a father-child relationship.

So many times I have heard that nothing happens without HIS wish. Then why do we have to struggle around, plead him to change the destiny? If the destiny is already written, then things cannot change. The good part is we are given choices and its the choice we make that makes the destiny.The irony is that he wants us to be brave, to face something which is already written.

I really do not know since when i stopped praying, when i feel alone, i speak to him or i write the diary and vent out my feelings.

Since a week or so, i am practising the 'I choose to be Happy' principle. And whenever i am with the choice of being sad or happy, i try to choose happiness. But since the day I have started doing it, I see that the choice of happiness has the least probability. :-)

To Be Myself-Continued

Started reading Amitabh's blog from last week, can say have become a regular,addicted visitor to the same.

As I opened his blog in the morning,saw an interesting post which speaks about relationships and the dilemmas in handling them. It actually spoke one angle of my perspective which i shared in the last post 'To Be Myself'.

I would like to share some of the lines of his post over here:

"I take some comfort in the fact that my father too found writing foreword’s a cumbersome process. He mentions that in many of his musings that I have been going through. Honesty in expressing what he truly felt was his hallmark. Not many appreciated that, simply because those he wrote for, expected praise. If the subject was worthy of it he would gladly mention it. If not he would honestly deride it. Not many had the courage to do that.

In life at times we face similar dilemmas. Who to say what to and when. And when we do would it be received in the spirit of frank honesty or apprehension of misunderstanding. Vital opinions essential for the moment have the misfortune of getting covered in a blanket of silence and muted for fear of disturbing the object of comment. Sometimes with disastrous consequences. So generally the easier path is taken. Better to be quiet and not lose a relationship than otherwise.

Relationships, though have their own graph. Many in them expect that you speak up. It demonstrates strength and belief and confidence of understanding. If.. both parties remain on the same plain. Many a times it is this very plain that becomes the cause of the disturbance.

Delicate !! Difficult !! Sensitive !! Undecided !!
Most would rather not ruffle the feathers.

I sometimes exercise discretion. I find myself taking it upon myself rather than passing it on. And a simple philosophy to justify that. Better one troubled being than two !! Better me than he."

"Better me than he" - wonderful lines to end the other perspective.

Children...

Yesterday after the long search for a house, finally got one as per our budget. Myself and my fiancee went to meet the owner after finishing our office.

The owner was adamant about the advance and the rent initially, yet another disappointment. We walked out saying it is not affordable. As we were discussing outside the house; with the broker, the lady (owners wife) called me in. I was little surprised about her move.

As I went in, the owner said, "Please quote your rent, My wife is forcing me to give the house to you". i was little surprised by her behaviour.Later he explained that his children have left them and it seems i look like her grand daughter. Ah..touchy.

Felt bad to those millions of parents who sacrifice their lives for their children and yet face the loneliness at their last stages. Really I do not understand what makes the children do it.

If you are doing the same think over!!!

To Be Myself

Many a times we try to be somebody else before others. We always move around with 2 faces. Finally the one who is going to suffer is us.

The pre- marital days are the ones where the boy and the girl try to get to know each other . Since I am undergoing the same phase I have tried my best not to impress him but to let him know what I am.

I have seen some people posing to be different person before his/her fiance. This is not to impress them but not to hurt them.The sole reason being "They Love Them" and so they are ready to accept things against their wish.I admire their feeling.

But after some years I have seen them suffer because they had compromised in the shortcomings of their partner. They made their partner happy but in turn they had hurted their conscience. For some this might not be the case as they are happy to be like that.

I always believe that, if your partner truly loves you, he would never want you to compromise or get hurt.It really hurts me when I cheat myself so i have tried hard to be myself before him.

Of course I do understand that for a relationship to grow adjustments and compromises are needed. But when this tends to be one sided, it leads to erupt after sometime.

I have tried to be myself before him. Not sure if he is dissappointed with this behaviour but I think I am rite, atleast I dont want to act before him and neither does he wants me to do so.

Photo Courtesy: Google :-)

Pretention

So many times I have wondered why people pretend.

So many times when we get impressed by someone we try to imitate them.We try toshow we are ideal.I don't say that you don't take the positives from some person but just that don't pretend . Sometimes we pretend just to impress people. I remember one of the articles of Ravi Belegere where he says that the day you pretend to be someone, you will be 'SOMEONE' forever and you will never be 'YOURSELF'.

Remembered those days when i came across the message and have penned down here.Yet I don't say people who try to be the best are pretentious. As they say "The Downside of being better than everyone else is That People Tend to Assume you are Pretentious".

There is a thin line of demarcation. It is left to us to decide whether a person is pretensious or he is what he is. Before you tell she pretends, make sure you really KNOW he/she is pretending

Stranger to Soulmate

Life is full of mysteries.. as i getup everyday i see a mystery that gets unfolded.And I just look up and say 'I can't believe'.

Of all the mysteries seen, one which really dropped my jaw was the mystery of "Stranger to Soulmate". Ofcourse this applies mostly to the arranged marriages.

Its just a week that I got engaged and I have seen this person just twice and may have spoken to him totally for 1 hr(Total Hrs!!!) and now I am going to share the whole life with him.

Its just hard to believe but yet true. In one of our conversations my fiance said that;He had seen me some 7 years back in some function and he had liked me and now we are going to get married. Strange yet true.

I am scared about how i would go through the journey of accepting a stranger as my soulmate. The Changes we have to undergo, the compromises, the sacrifices ...Same is the case with him.

Fingers crossed.

Life is strange indeed

"All that happens is for Good"

Let me assure you that through this blog, I am not going to unleash the path to the so called "Happiness" by uttering the above line.

Alas..the optimistic herd around me have told these lines innumerable times and now I hate this line.

When it hurts,we cry and ask "Why me?" and then gradually when the situation becomes habit, we tend to console and tell our self "All that happens is for Good!!", and we try to get the learning out of that stupid- bad incident.(Even if there are none, we invent or discover some learning).

I admire the human nature, which cries yesterday saying "Why Me God??" and then smiles today saying "Thank God it happened to me!!!!" . Its just a way of escape, where we run away by just accepting. Because we are left with no way but to accept and move ahead.

I hate the line "All that happens is for Good!!", this cannot be true.May be they use this just to get some strength to move on and march ahead by gaining some optimism.Move ahead in life, be Optimistic but please don't utter the above line.You need not accept that the bad was good just to move on. You can still go ahead saying "What happened was bad, Hope It does not repeat".

Somehow I can't bear people who say this often. So when people start saying the above line, i just stop them before getting irritated.

I am Special

Hmmm... quite a philosophical post. But could not stop myself from writing this.

Have started introspecting myself more and more these days. The quiet 15 minutes i spend in my hostel after the dinner help me do this.

Off late I have tried to conclude the reason for my uneasiness. Often I compared myself with others, i have really been harsh to the body of mine whenever i lost something. Whether it was because of my fault or other's, the loss of depression was incurred by my body and mind.

I felt depressed when someone else got an offer, although i deserved the offer more.

I felt demotivated when I looked at the handicaps i had, after looking at others.

Even when I shined with an achievment, I was unhappy; the reason being, I compared myself to someone above me.

I compared when I was happy, I compared when I was sad. And the end result is I never enjoyed the small gifts of life. I never was happy.

Now I know, I am special and so I cannot compare myself to others. If I compare then I am disrespecting myself. Which I will not.

I try to tell myself these words whenever I face something annoying. yet I go back to my old habits sometimes.

Old habits die hard............................