Wednesday, June 25, 2008


The transition!!! What I was before 2 weeks and what I am now, the transition has happened and it has happened for good. I never realized that I have changed until yesterday. I got to know that I am being recognized for my work and I would get the appreciation from our client before all my project mates. After the meet, I was surrounded by the ‘Congrats’ of all of my teammates. But I was unmoved, I was not happy. It was as if it was another day for me.

The smiling faces with ‘congrats’ on their lips seemed nothing to me all of a sudden. The person who always loved to be recognized was indifferent to people’s praises. I realized I have lost myself. One of my friends teased me of attaining the sainthood. I laughed at her but the question still lingered- why am I like this now?

I thought that I was not that deserving candidate to be recognized and there were many who are still in their cocoons waiting to come out. The way for them, being a recognition. All philosophical thoughts flooded my mind all of a sudden. I just shrugged them off and left the place.

At night, I opened the book ‘The Fountainhead’ and started reading. The story had stopped at “The hero Howard Roark being called to the court and he listens to both the extreme praises and extreme shuns”, after every talk he just has a smile and says ‘No Questions’. For a moment I paused and looked at myself and thought, is the feeling of mine going to lead me to the state where Howard is?

Oh!!I am not comparing myself to the hero of the masterpiece and I do not want to be like Roark, I am fine being myself. I want to be the same human who enjoys the small joys and gets excited for the same. I don’t want to be the saint for whom everything is illusion.

Still the question remains why did I change? The reason may be that there were certain disappointments in life which demolished all the plans, made me loose myself. May be I want to prepare myself for the worst so I don’t want to get excited on the joys. Just the preparation for being the same in all situations.

There may be varied answers but the conclusion is as of now I am ‘INDIFFERENT’ to everything. May be a small dream of mine when it comes true, I will become human again.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


LUCK… I started using this word more often after I came to this so called “CORPORATE” world.
Sometimes I usually ask this question “What is Luck?” to myself and think for hours on it with the result of having a debate instead of THE answer. Seems strange but being mature enough; I am not able to find an answer for a question which appears to be simple but is quite complex at least in my perspective.

As the debate goes on while the process of thinking is in progress; One side has a valid point stating ‘Luck is something not in your hand; but truly playing an important part in your life’; is it so? Strange; as an avid believer from my childhood; one of the key points my mom had instilled in my mind that “U r the architect of your destiny, work and u will bear the fruits” I really cannot accept this point that something not in your hands can change our life. But the reality is something different.

At least when I was in my school; my mom’s advise was proved many times. So I always was optimistic about future thinking if anything happens that will be because of me. But slowly this feeling is diminishing after entering this so called CORPORATE world; the false faced people; hypocrites, some introverts some extroverts. Everything starting from the project you get, the work you get, the recognition; the appraisals, the growth. Hmmm the list grows as we think about it. All this depends on Luck. But as I start to take a stand that Luck is the ultimate. My other side of mind knocks and says “Hey I am still there, don’t take the judgement!!!”
The other side is very lucky; well prepared may be because it had enough time to prepare.

“LUCK is something which truly affects your life but this comes into picture only when you have worked”. This side is like my mom, who is very optimistic in life, “No matter what happens but I am sure I will get the results” You should be very strong at heart to be like this, which unluckily I have not inherited from my mom. Let’s be practical and watch the scenario, for how many ppl the luck has favored who really don’t deserve? May be it seems to us now that they are Lucky, but wait, do we know something about their previous life, their work. The answer is NO. So how can we say that the result was due to DUMB luck?
Hmm he has a valid point rite?

I have come up with a conclusion that “Success comes at the meeting point of the hard work and the luck”. Be prepared who knows when the luck knocks your door. May be late but the result is for sure.

What Say????

Thursday, June 5, 2008


I always thought that the most difficult thing in the world was to bear the difficulties. But I realise that it is not just bearing or facing the hardships, which is difficult. Anybody in this world will one or the other day come out of their hardships as the saying goes 'Even Impossible says I M POSSIBLE'. The real test comes when you will have to smile although you are crying from inside. I am in the same situation, and now i understand what makes a person strong.

All these days whenever i faced problems, i would go back to my cocoon and never face the world. I was called a moody person because i was never the same all the time. When i was happy i was all excited with everyone, the moment i was in problem I would never speak to anyone and was never part of any one's happiness or sorrows. The only reason i gave to myself was 'I am sad and so I do not want to be part of others happiness' and it was a valid point for me.

As days have passed, I realised just showing my depression, the only things that i have gained is the PITY of others.And i feel i don't deserve pity of someone for something which is not in my hand.And after all this is not the end. SO i have to be happy and ignore the pitfalls and keep moving.

And this behavior of mine is asking me to keep smiling although I am sad. I know it is difficult but i will learn it as days pass. I cry when it becomes unbearable but i cry in isolation, and the time i come out i give a smile.

I know that 'THE SHOW WILL GO ON' even if i am not there. So i have learnt to be happy and i will make sure i will make some one happy even when i am sad.