Working Women and their 'Husbands'

It was a pleasant surprise to meet one of my college senior, while I was busy shopping. After usual hi, hello; I informed her about my marriage and invited her.
And then came the topic in our conversation which is also the reason of the existence of this post.
As we chatted,came some advices from her, she being a experienced married working woman.I quietly accepted it as they were the facts.

Let me divide the post of mine into 3 varied experiences of 3 married women, to bring in the clarity.Of course there will be a conclusion from me and rest is left for you guys to comment.

Experience 1(My Senior): As we chatted, I came to know that, she has left the job and is now at home. She is now,pursuing music with more vigour. Good she is trying to do something she loved from deep of her heart.Then she said "Ranjitha:Now is the real test for you, which tests your patience of balancing personal life and career.As you move on you will understand that personal life is more important than career and you will have to make real tough decisions to have a happier life (?)"
I just retorted, my fiance seems to be supportive. Then she quickly replied "They are good at initial days but as days progress you will get more comments from them, about the cleanliness of home, cooking and the list never ends........" The chat was interrupted when her husband called her and we parted our ways.

Experience 2(My Hostel mate): During dinner, was discussing about this with one of my hostel mate, when she narrated me a story of her friend, who is a doctor by profession and even her husband is a doctor. they live in a joint family with her in laws. Her in law does not want to cook or do any household chores, as she wants her daughter in law to do it. She feels that her in law never did anything so why should she help her daughter in law. The poor girl after balancing household and the doctor profession, once shared with her husband that "It is becoming difficult for her". pop came the answer from the great husband "dear, I never told you to work outside, if it is difficult why do not you leave the job!!"

Experience 3(My friend): After listening to the above stories,one person who flashed in my mind was one of my colleague and a good friend.When I listen to her marriage experiences, my admiration for her husband two-folds. Its like he helps her in every household chore of hers.He cooks breakfast if she cooks the dinner,or viceversa. He gets up early and arranges for the maid, if she is sleeping in the morning,he helps her in washing, he helps her in arranging household, he goes with her for shopping.Wow..Its so wonderful to get such understanding husband.

Hmmm.. why is that for girls,the best place is home and not the outside world. Its always the girls who sacrifice for the family. Its the girls who should stop dreaming about a successful career, even if she wants to achieve, she will have to don the role of 'Super-Woman'.Why do guys forget that gals are equally helping the family financially and even they would have had dreams of growing in a career when they were young. I don't say that all guys are like that, but the maximum percentage of them fall into the category of wanting their wives to be at home. :-( . Some are lucky to have a understanding guy others are not.

Girls never want their husband to help in every chore, but a word of understanding will help them sail through the hardships.

We still can do it but we need just your understanding and a word of care. Just a caring hand would do.

GenDa Phool..

The song 'GenDa Phool' from the movie Delhi-6 has some charm in it. Ever since I have heard it, i have been humming it atleast once a day. But never did I have the anxiety to know the meaning of the lyrics, until today when my friend asked me what does 'Genda phool' mean?.

Ah.. thanks to my hindi knowledge, which prompted me to tell the meaning as CauliFlower. God knows where I got this idea from..:-) lol
But somewhere I knew that I was wrong, came back and went to our own knowledge base 'Google' for the answer. Wow..there are 4960 results for Genda Phool.. Hmm .. amazing..

Came across a link which gave me the meaning of the whole song, here is the brief from the link:
http://www.mail-archive.com/arrahmanfans@yahoogroups.com/msg56666.html

Hoye hoye hoye, Hoye hoye hoye

Saiyaan ched dewe,

>>my husband keeps on teasing me

Nanad chutki leve,

>>the younger sister of my husband keeps on taunting me

Sasural genda phool,

>>sasural = in law's house, genda: name of a flower, marigold

Saas gaari deve

>>the mother of my husband keeps on abusing me

Dewar samjha deve

>>the younger brother of my husband keeps on explaining to me

Sasural genda phool

Choda babul ka angana

>>I had left the house of my father

Bhaave deraa piya ka, ho

>>I am liking the house of my husband

Saiyaan hain vypaari

>>my husband is a businessman

Chale hain pardes

> >he is going to foreign place

Sooratiyaan niharun

> >I am looking at his face

jiyara bhaari hove,

>>my heart is becoming heavy

Bushirt pahine

>>having attired in a shirt

khaai ke bida paan

>>having chewn a betel

Poore Raipur se alag hai, Saiyaan ji ki shaan

>>the glory of my husband is apart from that of anyone else in entire Raipur city

The essence lies surely in 'genda phool' .... gendha aka marigold is a special type of a flower. Its an Inflorescence. Inflorescence, as in every leaf of 'gendha phool' is a complete flower in itself. While every leaf/petal of the 'gendha' is a flower in itself, a gendha is complete, beautiful and can live only when all petals are together. sasural gendha phool - the sasural has so many characters : saas, devar, nanad, et cetera, ... some not so nice to the bahu (saas gaari/gaali dewe) ... some nice to her (dewarji samjha lewein), yet the newly wed bahu knows that her sasural is beautiful (and will be a happy place) because of each and every character.


courtesy: Mayank,http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090221081327AANoGAB

Surprise..

Life becomes more beautiful when you get something which you never expected.

These small joys actually makes up for your long day of disappointments.

Raghu called me up and informed me that he will come to my hostel at around 9.00 P.M and insisted on going for a long walk near our hostel. I was actually not in a mood to meet him, which was due to the time consuming activity in the office. I was tired so wanted to have a good sleep. But still bowed down for his insistence.

As we started walking, he took out a chocolate and gave it to me. I was surprised. As I finished that choc(ofcourse i shared it with him); he gave me another one which was followed by another eclair.

It was a pleasant surprise for me.His gestures made me happy.I felt special on that lonely road. The road was not lonely but still I felt it lonely as I was feeling special. :-) huh.. feelings outburst..

Pleasant surprises are good medicine for leading a pleasant life.

Questions unanswered

Some questions bug me a lot and one among them is "Should we really pray God for our well being?"

Does the Almighty; being called as the Father of the universe, wants his children to pray and plead him? Does he want his kids to praise and impress him? My personal feeling is;No person wants his/her children to plead them.

Yeah, when we are asking for something from someone, I agree that we are at the receiving end so we should take the first initiative of asking.But this question never arises when it is between somebody who share a father-child relationship.

So many times I have heard that nothing happens without HIS wish. Then why do we have to struggle around, plead him to change the destiny? If the destiny is already written, then things cannot change. The good part is we are given choices and its the choice we make that makes the destiny.The irony is that he wants us to be brave, to face something which is already written.

I really do not know since when i stopped praying, when i feel alone, i speak to him or i write the diary and vent out my feelings.

Since a week or so, i am practising the 'I choose to be Happy' principle. And whenever i am with the choice of being sad or happy, i try to choose happiness. But since the day I have started doing it, I see that the choice of happiness has the least probability. :-)

To Be Myself-Continued

Started reading Amitabh's blog from last week, can say have become a regular,addicted visitor to the same.

As I opened his blog in the morning,saw an interesting post which speaks about relationships and the dilemmas in handling them. It actually spoke one angle of my perspective which i shared in the last post 'To Be Myself'.

I would like to share some of the lines of his post over here:

"I take some comfort in the fact that my father too found writing foreword’s a cumbersome process. He mentions that in many of his musings that I have been going through. Honesty in expressing what he truly felt was his hallmark. Not many appreciated that, simply because those he wrote for, expected praise. If the subject was worthy of it he would gladly mention it. If not he would honestly deride it. Not many had the courage to do that.

In life at times we face similar dilemmas. Who to say what to and when. And when we do would it be received in the spirit of frank honesty or apprehension of misunderstanding. Vital opinions essential for the moment have the misfortune of getting covered in a blanket of silence and muted for fear of disturbing the object of comment. Sometimes with disastrous consequences. So generally the easier path is taken. Better to be quiet and not lose a relationship than otherwise.

Relationships, though have their own graph. Many in them expect that you speak up. It demonstrates strength and belief and confidence of understanding. If.. both parties remain on the same plain. Many a times it is this very plain that becomes the cause of the disturbance.

Delicate !! Difficult !! Sensitive !! Undecided !!
Most would rather not ruffle the feathers.

I sometimes exercise discretion. I find myself taking it upon myself rather than passing it on. And a simple philosophy to justify that. Better one troubled being than two !! Better me than he."

"Better me than he" - wonderful lines to end the other perspective.

Children...

Yesterday after the long search for a house, finally got one as per our budget. Myself and my fiancee went to meet the owner after finishing our office.

The owner was adamant about the advance and the rent initially, yet another disappointment. We walked out saying it is not affordable. As we were discussing outside the house; with the broker, the lady (owners wife) called me in. I was little surprised about her move.

As I went in, the owner said, "Please quote your rent, My wife is forcing me to give the house to you". i was little surprised by her behaviour.Later he explained that his children have left them and it seems i look like her grand daughter. Ah..touchy.

Felt bad to those millions of parents who sacrifice their lives for their children and yet face the loneliness at their last stages. Really I do not understand what makes the children do it.

If you are doing the same think over!!!

To Be Myself

Many a times we try to be somebody else before others. We always move around with 2 faces. Finally the one who is going to suffer is us.

The pre- marital days are the ones where the boy and the girl try to get to know each other . Since I am undergoing the same phase I have tried my best not to impress him but to let him know what I am.

I have seen some people posing to be different person before his/her fiance. This is not to impress them but not to hurt them.The sole reason being "They Love Them" and so they are ready to accept things against their wish.I admire their feeling.

But after some years I have seen them suffer because they had compromised in the shortcomings of their partner. They made their partner happy but in turn they had hurted their conscience. For some this might not be the case as they are happy to be like that.

I always believe that, if your partner truly loves you, he would never want you to compromise or get hurt.It really hurts me when I cheat myself so i have tried hard to be myself before him.

Of course I do understand that for a relationship to grow adjustments and compromises are needed. But when this tends to be one sided, it leads to erupt after sometime.

I have tried to be myself before him. Not sure if he is dissappointed with this behaviour but I think I am rite, atleast I dont want to act before him and neither does he wants me to do so.

Photo Courtesy: Google :-)